I need to stop coming to work sober
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize