Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
