There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
