Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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