I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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