would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize