Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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