I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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