I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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