mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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