Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
