wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
