You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
