Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The air taste purple.
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