OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i will never coherently bang her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
