I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
