He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
