the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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