with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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