OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
