She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
