I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
