you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
