Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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