i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
