i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
