great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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