Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
