Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
