FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
