i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize