those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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