tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
