I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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