They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dick very happy bro
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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