I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
