I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just tell him i said nine months
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
