Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
