i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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