I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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