I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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