Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
