meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
NoShamevember. You game?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
