Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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