I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
