I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
