My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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