You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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