The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
