Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
