i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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