Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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