we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
