Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
