There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
