So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
