if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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