I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
