I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
