she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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