a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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